Who gon' check me boo?

I've owned my own business for almost eight years, it's been great. The money is amazing (but I work like a well oiled field slave for said moneys). Then there are the times when there is no money, I mean none. But I'm a faithful camper, I dig in and hold on with my squirreled away saving until the amaaaaazing money (x3) comes back and it always does. But I aint no fool. I keep a resumé at the ready. Sort of an escape hatch on paper. That's right every year for almost eight years I have updated my resumé in spite of the money. Call it healthy paranoia or call it well, unhealthy paranoia, I keeps it ready. So every advertising slow season, for us typically summer, I threaten to close the doors, unplug the mouse, take down the shingle and be out this biotchie! And then I don't. I stick it out. Now that's not to say I haven't on occasion fired that bad-boy off prematurely (I think they have pills for that now).

So this latest economic drought (which for the record I do not accept, because I'm a very wealthy man... on the inside) has caused my itchy resumé trigger finger to squeeze (not pull) often, wildly, erratically, irrationally and emotionally. So I'm firing these sh*ts off every-whicha-damn-way indiscriminately, thinking a regular paycheck will solve any cash-flow issues. You know suckle on that corporate teet. Or find a cool small (bigger than mine, size counts here) boutique shop or maybe go back to an ethnic shop and flex my Blaxpertise™. Wrong. This didn't go anything like I planned.

Firstly, the shops that want me... (use your nice words, use – nice – words), let's just say I have no poker face for these shops. No. I didn't realize how snobby a brother from the hood could become, what happen to the hungry hustler? The art director jobs said I was more of a designer and the designery jobs said I was art directorish. One AD position said I was over qualified (and I agree) and they would call me if Associate Creative Director or Creative Director aeron chairs became available. I've been told "we need more ethnic(y) feeling. I think that means more thuggish concepts? One large general market shop said I was too "multi-culti" which is advertising speak for; Kick rocks - Obama! LET ME STATE HERE ADVERTISING IS THE LAST FEILD ON EARTH WHERE YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH THAT KIND OF CUUR-AZY TALK ON A DAILY BASIS AND IT IS CONSIDERED NORMAL! Oh, and for the record, that was a black guy at the general market shop telling me I'm too ethnic. *music stops* yeah a nasally a** brother.

Have I rendered myself un-hireable? Does running a shop make you a hodgepodge of skills that are irrelevant in a big shop, where the roles are pretty clear cut and specific? Do I really even want that? Is it a money issue? Ask any freelancer, contractor or business owner with any regular work and they will tell you the money's great and you can't get the same paper once hired on. It's easy to top the pay of most creative directors I know. I think I could live without that. I know I may not make the same money, but the stability, I could get with that. Will I miss the freedom? Without a doubt. Maybe I suck, now there's an idea. Maybe I do, but my little shop has bested much bigger shops in pitches and awards. That little shop has also helped national brands achieve double digit growth on multiple occasions. Well, twice but dammit not many can say that. Maybe I don't seem the safest choice? One Google search and you'll find my name attached all kind of "race-y" hot topics but having my own allows me to speak freely, can I do this at a job? That same Google search will also net you some worthwhile endeavors, I really hope that can continue at a job. That's probably my biggest question, can I find any worthwhile fulfilling endeavors that are not of my own volition? Can a job satisfy my desire and passion to create more than just ads, but to edify and express things that have yet to define?

I guess I'll just have to dig in and rough it out again. Yeah, I can do this. *Thumps chest* Salt of the earth, I'ont need no damn ass job. unless you know of something... if you know something it's a email over there somewhere on the right column... craig @ something or other... get at ya boy...

I guess I gotta check myself.

The incredible art is by Savas Ozay, check him out.
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