Dear Jane Sample (who appears on everyone in the ad business' blog roll) ask me for 7 things about me. So after a little in-fro-spection (my word, no, you may not use it.) I realized I wasn't deep at all and fell into a bit of depression. So three Zanax, two b*tch slaps and one pro black pep talk later, I got to writing this self-love letter. Try not to fall asleep.
((Warning typos abound))
1. A had a happy ass childhood. It wasn't wealthy. it did involve the projects (back when they had grass and clothes lines) but if you know the projects, it can still be rough. But I had fun, on the playground, jumping out of the swings, swimming in a river tributary, Also known as a ditch. We had to illegally scale a fence to swim in a pool. We had drawing contest, two-hand touch football, foot races, tree-climbing, kite flying and endless fun.
2. When I was ten I had a brush with the law. While hanging out with a ten year old veteran boost man (crook), he offer to "get" me a soda. I knew he never had money, but always had candy, so I was down. Dude walked me to the store, went to the back where the drinks where and popped a "skraw-berry" soda in his pants like nothing. Then he shot me a look like "Hurry the hell up, get yours". My scary ass stood there long enough to get the clerks attention, them proceeded to get mine. Now nobody told me it would be cold as hell and not to put it directly on my giblets. We headed for the door at that pace of walk that's just before your are actually running, and a little after you look guilty as hell. Well no one told me that Sears denim pants (the weren't quite jeans), weren't made to hold heavy ass glass bottles of belly wash. Tyrone absconded with drink. I let "mine" use my pant leg like a chute and crashed on the floor. The clerk hoisted my ass up. I had to have a cop come and scare all future boost attempts and I'm sure a sh*t stain out of me. The cop & clerk were both kind enough to not tell my parents.
3. I like flowers,er, umm. Manly flowers.
4. I wanted to be an architect. I love architecture. I still want to be an architect.
5. I love Shakespeare. I can barely finish reading a sonnet, let alone a play. His words are so deeeeep, that I just fade off into the potent meaning & pondering the sentence I just read. So I sit, mouth open, drooling.
6. I don't like to eat before client meetings. I'm happy and dopey (that "itis" see Dave Chappelle)when and after I eat. I aint sharp at all after lunch. I give clients free sh*t. Tell them exactly why their work will be late or why we are mad at them. Why not, hell, I've eaten, life is good!
7. I don't like telling more than six things about myself!?!